Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
