You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
