sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I had to cum in my sink.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
