piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
