wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
