I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
