wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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