Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize