I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
