did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
