Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
