the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
