I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
