Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
