You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
