i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
