Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize