Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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