I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
