i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
