Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
