How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I need to calm my uterus...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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