this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
