sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
