Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm experimenting with sincerity
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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