pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
