is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
