Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
