i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
