No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
