What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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