My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
