I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
