dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
