call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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