okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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