you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
