I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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