my phone needs a breathalizer
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
