mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
