This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Randomize
