he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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