so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
