he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
