why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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