How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
3pm strippers are depressing
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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