I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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