I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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