Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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