get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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