someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Is Oprah even human
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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