Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
