We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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