bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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