Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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