So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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