Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
