She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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