Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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