Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
