it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
