everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
