I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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