I wish I could punch you in the face.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
