Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
