Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
only if we run a train.
done.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
