I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
