i can't believe i had my finger in that
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize