Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We had to coat check the pizza.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
