feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
