I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
