dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
